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More To Love teaches plus size women how to learn body-acceptance and end dieting for good. 

Build Your Confidence in 3 Easy Steps

Rachel Estapa

Sassy

Sassy

Confidence isn't something you either have or you don't. Everyone has confidence in something, including your weight and appearance. It's only non-visible when other stuff is blocking your natural confidence from coming out. I think a lot about what it takes to feel more confident and I've landed on this: confidence isn't a place, it's a mode of transportation. {CLICK HERE TO TWEET THIS GEM OUT!}

What I mean by that is confidence is always paired with something else. Confidence in your smarts, confidence in your cooking ability, or confidence in how you view your body. See? We've been short-changing and thinking about confidence all wrong.

To be MORE confident you have to look beyond the word and get to the root of what you want to feel proud of.

I'll make it simple for you -- these are proven fast-track methods I used to bolster my confidence around my appearance.

1. Visualize what feeling confident would actually look like. Remember that awesome thing you did perfectly as a kid that kept you entertained for hours and hours? Well your adult self is CRAVING for your imagination to make a comeback and forecasting confidence is a perfect opportunity. It's really as simple as closing your eyes, taking a breath and conjuring up in your mind the most confident feeling around your body you can muster. Seeing it unfold in your brain changes the wiring of your head and actually makes you believe is happening now.

Whenever I feel lumpy-dumpy I do this: I envision waltzing into a crowded room in my fabulous outfit and everyone stopping, turning and being like "Rachel is here and she's killin' it!!" It works. Try it.

2. Quit thinking people give a damn. Sooo much "lack of confidence" stems from what we think other people are thinking about us. And unless you're running for public office (and even THEY know 50% is going to hate them) stop caring so damn much about what you think others could be thinking. Your brain, time and energy is limited and precious, so use it on something that actually contributes to the quality of your life.

How do you stop caring about the hypothetical? You lump people into two camps -- those who get you (who love you regardless) and those who just don't get you (and you probably don't even like them anyway) and let that camp go.

Feels good to not care, right?

3. Have a  back-up plan. Someday  you're going to feel like shit and that is OK. It's the  reason we all have savings accounts and an extra toilet paper roll --- things just sometimes run out. With your confidence, it's the same way.

A few years ago I put together a sheet titled "When you feel like crap..." and it was a list of all the awesome pump-me-ups I've come up with over the years. So when I feel down and can't shake it, I pull it out and read what my higher, more inspired self knows.

Having a plan of action for the inevitable actually reduces the changes you're going to need it! I haven't pulled out that piece of paper in over 3 years,  but when the day comes that I just feel like curling up into a ball I'll know where to find it.

So yeah, confidence doesn't really matter -- it's what the confidence allows you to do, which is BE YOUR SELF.

Tips? Tricks? Thoughts? Pop 'em in the comments below!

[Image source "borrowed" from here]