So I did something special for myself -- I booked a weekend at Kripalu in western Massachusetts. It's a yoga and wellness center that I've been dying to visit ever since I realized such a place existed. But don't think I'll just be doing yoga and hugging trees for a weekend ... oh, no.
I'll be attending the "Women, Food & God" workshop of a personal icon of mine, Geneen Roth, who has written books on the very subject I'm changing my coaching practice to -- body image and self-worth for people who have a long, complex history with food and weight.
About a month ago I learned she was coming to my area and I went as far as the final registration page to sign up --
... but then ...
You don't have the $$ for that, Rachel.
Come on, what is this ANOTHER one of your "let me be all fucking self-important and play student" for another weekend?
What if it's all weirdos? And you're, like, naked the whole time? What if it's ALL the things you already heard before but you're too lazy to actually do?
And for about 3 weeks those voices kept winning out. I didn't register, I kept saying "well, maybe next time ..."
But then last week it hit me: FUCK NEXT TIME.
By depriving myself of something I genuinely wanted -- genuinely deserved -- to give myself, I was reinforcing the belief that I cannot have what I really want.
No way am I waiting till next time -- the stars were aligned for this and it's moments like these in life you have to SAY YES and BECOME them, because all too often the useless excuses we make to stop our amazement just end up pushing us further from who we want to be.
It's this same deprivation thinking that hurts many women; the belief that any experience outside of what we think we're allowed to experience is bad.
So I signed up, I have a car rental ready and I'm off to western Mass. on Friday to hippie it up, share a dorm room with almost 20+ others, maybe swim nakie, and HAVE FUN! I can't wait to attend the many yoga classes -- not to mention lounge in a whirlpool, go for a hike, friggin' drum circle or whatever, and then participate in an informational, inspirational workshop in a small, intimate setting in the middle of the woods in the Berkshires WITH AN AWESOME PERSON LEADING IT.
I'm so excited that I'm pretty sure my boyfriend, co-workers, and my own mother are about a day away from having an intervention with the banner "CALM DOWN, RACHEL."
But whatever makes ya happy (or a hippie)!