You do it. Your friends do it. Your favorite TV-show does it. The world does it. And it’s destroying your confidence. It’s called “fat-talk” and it’s the quickest way to kill any type of happy mood and body-lovin’ party if you don’t handle it properly.
Over the years, I’ve become really good at nipping fat-talk in the bud and now teach other women how to do it too. During the More To Love Class (registration closes on Feb 2!) we’ll be spending some time working through fat-talk directly, learning how to dismantle it so that it not longer holds powerful grip on your self-worth and happiness.
So, what is fat-talk? I’ll define fat-talk in a simple way, so that when it pops up you can catch it quickly. Fat talk is any word, phrase, statement or thought which makes you feel bad about yourself based upon what you think fat means, which in our culture, equates to something to be shameful of.
Here are some common examples of fat-talk we say to others:
“I look so fat in this photo”
“I really shouldn’t eat that...”
“I hate shopping because nothing ever fits or looks good on me.”
And here are ones we say to ourselves….
“He/she can’t possibly find me good looking….I'm too fat.”
“Uh oh, I’m the biggest girl in this room right now...ugh.”
“If I wasn’t fat, my life would be so much easier.”
Get the picture? Fat-talk steals from your ability to enjoy being yourself, cutting you down because it makes you believe you don’t deserve good things.
I wanted to share some quick-tips to busting through falk-talk so you can enjoy your life, and not feel held hostage by what you think your weight means. And if fat-talk is really an issue for you, you’ll definitely want to register for the More To Love Class, because we’re covering this topic in-depth.
Fat-talk is an assumption, not a fact
When you engage in fat-talk with yourself or other women, what you’re really doing is keeping a myth and lie going that being fat is a bad thing. Fat-talk is a killer game of telephone that keeps getting distorted the longer it lasts. Fat-talk messages are assumptions you are making about your worthiness, but are not based in cold-hard truth.
So you’ve got to learn how to flag these lies in the moment, and the biggest marker of them all is using the words shouldn’t/can’t/won’t/don’t. These words literally block your brain from seeing possibilities. The work-around to these words is finding evidence outside your own situation to disprove what you assume is true.
Bust your fat-talk myth
The quick way to pushing through fat-talk is to shut-it up by proving it’s wrong. Let’s take the example “I’m too fat to go shopping.” This causes a lot of pain for women and it sucks to feel like you’re not allowed to enjoy your body. To pull apart this myth, ask yourself the following…
1. Are there other plus-size women looking all cute and fashionable?
2. Are the stores I’m shopping at respecting my body-size and fashion sense?
3. What resources are available to help me find plus size stores and fashion trends?
See? It’s just a matter of getting out of your own way and asking the right questions to lead you to the goal you really want: feeling confident in your clothing.
One-up your fat-talk
Another great hack to fighting fat-talk is to "one-up it"; that is, challenge the fat-talk with something awesome about yourself. During the More To Love Class, this exercise is included and we go into how to re-frame and create some fat-talk one-ups, but I’ll give you a quick version here.
Every time a fat-talk thought comes into your head, you quickly have on reserve an awesome truth about yourself. Here is a very common one I still do --
“Great, my stomach roll is showing with these jeans and top...ugh. But you know what? My husband loves my tummy and so what if my stomach-roll shows, if people are going to judge me on this, why would I want to be around them anyway?”
It’s handy to keep such ideas in your vault for when you need them.
You can quiet your fat-talk voice with some practice and the more you do so, the less you experience it. I’d love to hear your tips for busting through fat-talk, so please share them below.