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More To Love teaches plus size women how to learn body-acceptance and end dieting for good. 

How I handle seeing my weight

Rachel Estapa

I have a doctor's appointment on Friday and getting on the scale is part of the standard process. While I’ve devoted years to body acceptance, teach the More To Love Class on how to learn body acceptance, and have made peace with my body, I still get that tingle on the back of my neck when it’s time to hop on the scale.

All of a sudden, I’m reverted back to my youth, the sting of embarrassment as the scale crept higher and higher through the years followed with a concerned, yet compassionate, lecture from my doctor about my weight. Despite years and incredible leaps of body love, that little sentence “Ok, step on the scale, please” has the power to turn most people into a hesitant and nervous wreck.

Why? We’ve learned to associate weight with personal value. The higher the weight, the less value we perceive to have. Interesting how weight becomes the outlier for all other markers of value such as money, experience, grades – the more the better, right?

Back to my upcoming doctor’s appointment. There is always the option to opt-out of getting on the scale and most places will respect your request. I thought about it, but then quickly felt it wouldn't be true to myself and my attitude towards my body now.

I want to experience the process of acknowledging a number associated with me then work through the inner reactions which will certainly come up. To feel their burn, let them run around inside and have a tantrum. Because it's a beautiful place to come back down to what I know is true: I love my body.

It’ll be OK – I’m tough! I can handle it because I trust my process. I've done this before and lived to tell the tale. Seeing my weight will be OK.

This approach is core to my personal body acceptance practice: to put myself into challenging situations so I can learn from them. But this is my way, and by no means the way.

I do not recommend this approach to you if seeing your weight is very upsetting. Or if you just don’t want to! You're allowed to having strong feelings because it's a sensitive issue, but also one you can take ownership of.

The biggest take away from More To Love's work is how to be aware of your thoughts and attitude regarding your body and realize you have a choice in the matter. This is the first step of MTL style body acceptance.