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More To Love teaches plus size women how to learn body-acceptance and end dieting for good. 

Breathe and Say "Yes, this."

Rachel Estapa

For a few weeks now (ok, months), I've been in a pretty rough funk. Anxious, exhausted, tired, mad, weepy, over-working and under-resting. 

This year has been filled with personal and professional milestones that I am proud of, but honestly, am surprised after all this I can't seem to shake the monkey of "not good enough" from my back. 

Walking home tonight after a stroll through the holiday lights of my city of Boston, listening to music I've not heard in a while -- I got a moment of deep clarity. 

And what I realized was I am so far off my center of balance, I am suffering from it. I am feeling the effects of what happens when I try to control and seek approval from outside my own heart. 

And then like little verses popping up out of no where, my head began to fill with the following:

Offer, never request. 
Give without requirement to take. 
Create without any purpose.
Receive without exchange.
Believe without faith.
Give space without defending the border
Trust, hesitate - it doesn't matter which one - 
Breathe and say "Yes, this."

Nearly automatically, the little ball of anxiety that has been in my chest faded. I felt lighter, like the street got wider as I walked on home. I felt for a moment what I really needed: that I was receiving and creating my life simultaneously. 

I share this because I want to be helps me to stay grounded with MY truths above.