For a few weeks now (ok, months), I've been in a pretty rough funk. Anxious, exhausted, tired, mad, weepy, over-working and under-resting.
This year has been filled with personal and professional milestones that I am proud of, but honestly, am surprised after all this I can't seem to shake the monkey of "not good enough" from my back.
Walking home tonight after a stroll through the holiday lights of my city of Boston, listening to music I've not heard in a while -- I got a moment of deep clarity.
And what I realized was I am so far off my center of balance, I am suffering from it. I am feeling the effects of what happens when I try to control and seek approval from outside my own heart.
And then like little verses popping up out of no where, my head began to fill with the following:
Offer, never request.
Give without requirement to take.
Create without any purpose.
Receive without exchange.
Believe without faith.
Give space without defending the border
Trust, hesitate - it doesn't matter which one -
Breathe and say "Yes, this."
Nearly automatically, the little ball of anxiety that has been in my chest faded. I felt lighter, like the street got wider as I walked on home. I felt for a moment what I really needed: that I was receiving and creating my life simultaneously.
I share this because I want to be honest..it helps me to stay grounded with MY truths above.